taste of hunger

for the last several months, i've been spending at least once a week at one of the Salvation Army residences in Houston. it has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life to have spent time with the women and children who live there. their laughter, hugs, tears and stories have changed me. in knowing them, i know Jesus...and in knowing Jesus, i know them.

there is something about hope that is so attractive to me. it awakens something deep inside that threatens the darkness of my soul, the darkness of the world. it beckons me to sit and breathe it in like salty sea air. being with the families at Salvation Army does that...it restores my broken hope. even as so many women leave unannounced, taking their children back into the wilds of the city, somehow there is hope. i think because it's so evident that the Holy Spirit is invigorating the walls of that place.

but it is these kids who make up a greater population in Houston; hungry children. i read this article today that was astounding. it's long, but worth the read. it's a great picture into what hunger looks like in my city...it's things like this that keep me here. keep me tied to this place and to these issues, these people. there are hungry people all over the world, hungrier than these children certainly. but God has placed me here. now. and i mustn't sit idle by and watch these kids steal to eat. so here's the article:

http://www.houstonpress.com/2010-12-23/news/children-of-god/2/

and here's a brilliant organization that CSM partners with to actually put healthy food in these kids' bellies. http://www.kidsmealshouston.org/

some of my dear friends work for Kids Meals. in my heart, they're a little like freedom fighters. they sacrifice for the good of this population...they put into action God's call for us to feed people who are hungry. from James chapter 2, "¹⁴ What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? ¹⁵ Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. ¹⁶ If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

let's be doers of the word. and change the face of hunger in our homes, our neighborhoods and our cities.

peace be with you as the hope of a new year dawns.

Dance of the Pigeons

sometimes i write silly poems....this one happened one day last year when i was watching these humongous pigeons strutting for each other....

Strut your stuff you meaty wonder

I’ll dance away from you

I see you’re trying to take your plunder

But you haven’t got a clue

Life is full of twists and turns

Make me certain you’ll follow

You’re afraid that you’ll get burned?

Well I can barely swallow…

I’ve been down this path before

Broken, wounded and low

So it’s scary, even more

Please, stop strutting, take it slow.

Pass the Peace

12/15/10

One of my most dear friends lost her unborn child today. My heart aches for her and her husband, for their raw and broken hearts. I'm reminded again of our profound need for a Savior who will bring redemption. I'm reminded that the earth is not yet whole while there is suffering. And yet there is hope...in the midst of this painful, broken world there is hope. If nothing else, we hope in the unceasing steadfast love of the Lord.

'No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand' says the hymn.

He holds us, tenderly caring for us when all around crumbles. I don't understand how or why there is such brokenness in our lives here. Why death and divorce happen. But I do understand that the Prince of Peace is coming to heal it all, to set it right. As we live and breathe he is redeeming us. Take heart, do not lose hope - He has overcome sin and death and will make all things new. Let us bury our faces in the dust, there may yet be hope.

how to build global community

today i got the most brilliant birthday card ever.

this is what it says,

"how to build global community:

think of no one as 'them'

don't confuse your comfort with your safety

talk to strangers

imagine other cultures through their poetry and novels

listen to music you don't understand

dance to it

act locally

notice the workings of power and privilege in your culture

question consumption

know how your lettuce and coffee are grown: wake up and smell the exploitation

look for fair trade and union labels

help build economies from the bottom up

acquire few needs

learn a second (or third) language

visit people, places, and cultures - not tourist attractions

learn people's history

re-define progress

know physical and political geography

play games from other cultures

watch films with subtitles

know your heritage

honor everyone's holidays

look at the moon and imagine someone else, somewhere else, looking at it too

read the UN's Universal Declaration of Human Rights

understand the global economy in terms of people, land and water

know where your bank banks

never believe you have a right to anyone else's resources

refuse to wear corporate logos: defy corporate domination

question military/corporate connections

don't confuse money with wealth, or time with money

have a pen/email pal

honor indigenous cultures

judge governance by how well it meets all people's needs

be skeptical about what you read

eat adventurously

enjoy vegetables, beans and grains in your diet

choose curiosity over certainty

know where your water comes from and where your wastes go

pledge allegiance to the earth: question nationalism

think South, Central and North - there are many Americans

assume that many others share your dreams

know that no one is silent though many are not heard - work to change this"

today i'm celebrating living. i'm celebrating life outside of my own boundaries. today i'm celebrating that this world is far bigger than i could imagine and that the people on it are more intricate, creative and brilliant that i give them credit for. i'm celebrating the expansiveness of the human mind and how we've all been made with different dreams and ideas, opinions and stories. i'm thankful for a God who weaves us all together and who has called us to love and justice. and i'm celebrating that.

happy birthday to me. :)

authenticity

For a long time, I've clung to this belief that we are made to live authentic lives - that we're beautiful when we're real. And finally, I've found an author who can put to words my heart. Here's a little Brene Brown quote to start your day off right:

"Authenticity is a daily practice. Choosing authenticity means: cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle and connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit; nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of who are supposed to be and embrace who we are. Authenticity demands wholehearted living and loving - even when it's hard, even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy and gratitude into our lives."

pretty kick ass huh?

May we each live today, in the freedom of who are are - not who we think we're supposed to be. May we be released from shame and fear and the ties that bind us to uncertainty and insecurity. Today, if your heart compels you, laugh a little too loud, dance in the grocery store, say something funny without over thinking it. Have the courage to tell your story with all of your heart. Be brave and imperfect. Just be you.

please stop hating

so God's been teaching me heaps lately. mostly about love, grace, mercy and learning. i've been away from home a lot, and it seems that as i've traveled around the country, there's one common theme that has been presented to me: people are really uncomfortable with homosexuality. when i'm home, it rarely ever comes up. my friends and i just live from day to day and love people and seek Jesus (please don't read into this that we're perfect...i struggle with a LOT of other things)...the fact that there are people out there who's sexual orientation is different than mine just doesn't come up. but i've been in places lately where people do talk about it. a lot.

it has burdened my heart tremendously to hear conclusions being made, lines in the sand being drawn and black and white pasted to the issue. brothers and sisters, our God is much bigger than we can imagine, and His hands are strong enough and wide enough - gracious enough to heal this wound. you and i must stop seeing people who are different from ourselves as bad and wrong. we cannot continue to single out entire people groups and cast them away from the Father. whether it's people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender; whether it's people who are homeless, black, white, native american, refugee, undocumented citizen, prostitute, pimp, there is nothing that can separate us from the Love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8 and Colossians 3 have spoken to me about that...also this passage from 1 John chapter 2: ⁹Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. ¹⁰Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. ¹¹But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.

let us not be blinded by the darkness. let us instead walk in the light and love our neighbor. brothers and sisters, let us love people who are different from ourselves, who believe differently too. i've been humbled and challenged to love and learn from people whose convictions are different from my own...to listen and just sit in a posture of learning.

i've been reading "love is an orientation" by andrew marin. if your heart is piqued for the challenge of stepping out of your comfort zone to love and learn and hear voices from the gay community you should check it out. he talks a LOT about the discomfort he's experienced and how he's being transformed by the love of Christ. i'm encouraged that he's seeking the Kingdom in such a fresh way and isn't listening to the voice of the world, but the voice of his King.

sometimes it can be overwhelming to take the first step into an unknown world - no matter what it is. but i encourage us all to pray for boldness and courage to step...small steps first. pray for the Lord to speak to our hearts and to open our eyes to the hurt that we as individuals (and as a church community) place on people. and from a place of humbleness and studenthood - yes i just made up a cool new word - lets begin seeking Jesus and the restoration He will bring. it's so easy for me to be discouraged, "yet this i call to mind and therefore i have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. for his compassions never fail, they are new every morning." even when i'm blinded by the darkness, the mercy of the Lord does not fail - he is faithful to call me back to the light if only my ears will be open to hear his voice.

laid...

for the record, i have won spelling bees in my youth and still cannot spell the word laid appropriately. they shouldn't give college degrees to people who don't know that layed isn't a word....but they gave me one!

lets go fly a kite

this month i have gallivanted all over the place - kansas, arkansas, chicago, nashville, knoxville, canton, and finally alma, georgia. i've seen and delighted in marriage and mourning, deep belly laughter and gentle tears. i have been inspired by great minds and read from about 10 novels. in all of these journey's, the month has been leading up to this week:

my best friend's wedding.

my cousin ashley is my oldest friend - born three months apart in fact. from the time we were young, we wrote letters to each other and spent summers at the shore, thanksgivings at the fish house. when we were 14, we began working for our uncles in the blueberry farming business.

-oh yes, alma is the blueberry capitol of the south. we've seen each other through a lot of beginnings and some endings too. she was there when i had my first kiss, my first job, my first heart break...the first time i said "i love you" to a boy in my sweet 15 year-old way. i pierced my ears with her, layed in a tanning bed for the first time, and cut my hair short. she was present the first time i remember the Holy Spirit really speaking to me...it is well with my soul. we fought with each other and laughed so hard when we made up. we dreamed together, imagined life together. one time, we decided we would live as neighbors on Johnson's Lake Road, with pretty white houses that had wrap around porches, husbands and lots of babies.

over the years she and i have battled each other, but we've also carried one another to the feet of Jesus. and we've grown up a lot.

this week, we're sleeping in her old room...getting ready in her old bathroom. i can't help but feel like the chapter of our childhood is closing. like at the end of this week, we'll actually be women instead of little girls.

i am unbelievably proud of the woman she's become. as we layed in bed last night, i told her how it's been beautiful to see how Christ is redeeming her story. he is transforming her, renewing her mind. and now he's given her a man to journey with too. she told me last night that God says marriage is good, and has given it as a gift not made for us to enjoy like a birthday present, but to enjoy because it simply glorifies the Lord. by loving her new husband and being covenanted to him, God will be exalted. that makes me hopeful for them.

when i set out to write this post, i actually had intentions of debriefing this new book i'm reading, because i didn't want to be an emotional disaster by thinking about this closing of a chapter. but that's what it is. you know what though? it's the beginning of a chapter too.

love.

I’ve been thinking a lot about grace and love lately; wondering how better to tear down walls and build bridges with our partners, groups and people of Houston. Stephen Sciolino says, “Love in its purest form is the most powerful weapon we have against hatred, indifference, prejudice, misunderstanding and divisiveness. The more we genuinely love, the more we understand that this commandment is life altering for everyone involved. Just as water rushing against hardened stone eventually erodes the stone, so love in action breaks down all barriers between people. It’s a commandment which works miracles And brings the Kingdom of God closer to reality.”

Beautiful isn’t it? This summer I have seen pure love in action. I got the opportunity to sit and eat lunch at this great little Cajun place with a middle school group this summer. In talking with one of the boys on the trip, I asked him how God had surprised him during the week. He responded by saying, “Well, I was surprised to find out that homeless people are just like me. And so are the kids that we’ve been working with. They’re all just kids and we all need love. So I’ve tried to love them while they’ve been loving me.” All this from a brilliant 13-year-old from Tomball, Tx. He’s right and so is Sciolino. The love of Christ is rich and free, says an old hymn, and I have seen that love displayed in the smallest of actions that made the biggest impact. Painting with college students, playing speed scrabble with my hosts, and in Paul being a great listener. I have seen love transcend boundaries in my new neighbor giving us some homemade pear preserves. Love bound up the brokenhearted when one of our groups offered up a simple, but genuine note of thanks to one of our partners who was tired and burned out.

In the light of Love, we are carried to the feet of Jesus and filled to overflow. I think each day I learn more about love, grace and sacrifice than ever before. As many of you know, I recently began a new adventure living in community in an economically depressed neighborhood in Houston called Third Ward. Community living has already opened my eyes to seeking grace and humility and I’m constantly figuring out what this pure love looks like. It's a daily process, and it is with both joy and struggle that I surrender. I'm learning that commitment takes a lot more commitment than I thought. But something else I've learned in my journey to community is that I am capable of walking through hard things. They're hard, but the beauty that blossoms out of them is worth it.

That's all for now.

reflection

This morning I sit from my new in-home office. My house mates and I moved into our new home two weeks ago, and we are down to two unpacked boxes! We rejoice in the little things. Paul and I have sent our summer staff back to their respective homes, jobs and schools, and are in the sweet slower rhythm of late August. This summer has brought significant challenge for me as a leader, as a sister and daughter and also just as a child of Jesus. But throughout, I tried to journal through some of those experiences, and that is what I bring you today. Just some thoughts from my summer and a little bit of what Christ has shown me lately….

June 14 - Yesterday was my first day off in two weeks. We’ve been training our new summer staff – Israel, Cameron, Courtney, Crystal and Kelsey – and each day has been full, preparing the staff and completing summer scheduling. But yesterday, I basked in the glory of a day with no cell phone, no computer and little communication with anyone but Christ.

I began the day by opening up the book Ruthless Trust written by Brennan Manning. Normally, I must confess, I don’t anticipate reading such books for long periods of time. Mostly because it’s a lot to process at once. But there I sat, in the morning sunshine, reading truth after truth after truth about who I am, and how trustworthy is the One who made me. As the sun shone through the wavy glass window above my head, all I could think of was the face of Christ beaming; smiling graciously at His daughter, filling me up.

In reading yesterday, I was reminded of the importance of gratitude, and seeing Grace in all the little things that carry us from day to day. So I’d like to count for you, some of the blessings poured out over CSM Houston and I over the past few months. As you read, offer Praise to our King for these ordinary and remarkable wonders.

Today I am thankful for the sun. I love the way it seeps into the pours on my face and lightens the day. I’m thankful for Paul and his leadership, encouragement and grace. He constantly reminds the staff and I that all of the glory for what happens in the city goes to Christ. I’m thankful for Lord of the Streets Episcopal Church and how welcoming they have been to our groups. The men and women who attend there are the salt of the earth and many don’t even know it. Gratitude fills my heart for my brothers and sisters who are rallying together to seek Justice for those held in oppression and manipulation in our city. I am thankful for youth who are unafraid; they remind me of how to be bold and courageous. I’m grateful for summer rain, falling on the earth restoring dry places. I feel so pursued by the Lord when it rains…I am so thankful for the faithfulness of groups who we have partnered with for years – it is beautiful how they see that no matter how many times they come back, their experience is different and made anew because Jesus is always here, always moving. I am thankful for community and the commitments my sisters and I have made to serve, love and live amongst the poor in Houston. I’m thankful for volleyball at the park, dining with my friends who are homeless and weeping with frustration that they still are when they don’t want to be. Community gardens, children exposed to musical worship, Street Reach and art therapy. Cloudless days, stormy nights, neighbors and fresh salsa, coffee and prayer, walking to church and connecting with our ministry partners. Balance between love and truth. There are countless things that fill my life with richness and texture, and in each of them there lies hope in Christ. Even in the darkest of moments when brokenness is all around, Jesus remains – and He is redeeming, restoring and renewing His creation. Thank God.

spanish moss

today my dad and i wandered around Hermann Park and strolled beneath rows of live oak trees shrouded in spanish moss. between the trees were tall lamp posts that reminded me of Narnia. truth be told, probably every lamp post reminds me of Narnia.

lately good days are summed up by simple and beautiful interactions. like tonight my dad and i ate some really healthy (albeit really awful) fish and drank a bottle of wine...we talked about when my brother and sisters and i were little, when he was little, and what it was like growing up in the deep south. we laughed. i really like laughing with my dad. i think because along with my mom, he's known me the longest, so laughing is sort of like breathing. natural.

i took him to my new house and showed him around the neighborhood....we met some of the beautiful souls i've had the privilege of working with around there. we churned almond butter and bought him some texas beer to take home to drink with my mom.

yesterday we talked about racial tension in the south and what it was like for him as a child in the 60's. it's really cool to let my mind imagine the scenes and the people...the history that he's lived through. i think that's also why i enjoy my dad...simply because he's older than me, so he's got better stories. man he can tell some good stories. so much of my childhood can be summed up in one word. imagination. my parents did an incredible job of nurturing our imagination and sense of wonder at the world. possibility.

we've eaten really good mexican food and really good jamaican. we've walked and talked and sang a little. he probably doesn't know actually how much it means to me that he took the time to come down here. i know he's got responsibility and weighty things to do at home, but he put it aside for a few hot and miserably humid houston days with me. yea i cherish these days. walking under the moss-covered oak trees, reading by the daylight and watching it rain -with my dad.

breath

today i am thankful for...

contended sighs of joy from my friend Paul, thankful for slow mornings with his kids playing in the rain....ragamuffin justice seekers...silly Dr. Seuss stamps and deep belly laughs...redemption and the hope of a new day...honest tears. i'm grateful for memories and smiles from long time friends. leadership training, discipleship. pouring in and pouring out. commitment. mornings filled with three cups of coffee and beautiful sisters. authenticity and the beauty that blossoms out of that. paper flowers. encouragement. family. homemade granola. happy dogs. fresh linens...and hands that hold, feet that move. Christ. gardening. children who want to be loved and played with. imagination and a fighting spirit. my mom. my dad. tradition and heritage. trees. bad-ass women who can stand their ground. roommates. best friends. orange markers. freedom. good food. the underdog. duct tape flowers. peace.

i'm reminded daily to be grateful for what i have, for what i don't have...and to trust my King with this life.

atlas

i'm struck by the brilliance of life...

today i ran as hard as i could...six times in a row. it was hard and fast and i loved it. when i broke my foot a couple years ago, i promised myself i would never take having healthy feet and legs for granted. it's taken a long time, but i'm awake now. livened by the sounds of my own hard breathing, bare feet striding on dark grass, bounding pulse.

saturday we rescued a dog and named him atlas. :) he's some kind of crazy black lab/pitt mix, but he's lazy like a mastiff. he came running with us this morning, and loped around with his big ears flopping and his tongue wagging.

he's loved us really well though, always sidling up and leaning in. and he loves to have his ears scratched. dogs remind me a little bit of how to be affectionate and love well.

we named him atlas after the Greek Titan who carried the heavens on his shoulders. and maybe a little because he's a wanderer. i already know my heart is going to shatter when we find him a family...

also, toast is delicious. butter toast and coffee makes morning more bearable. and atlas's lazy bones next to me. oh dear....

diet coke

it's the ordinary beauty that makes our lives rich. this morning, i celebrated my friend Katie's fifth birthday at a pajama party. she giggled, colored, made crowns and ate cake. she also introduced me to her friend Ella who's about her age and has leukemia. "she used to have hair, but now she doesn't," Katie innocently told me as she snuggled up next to Ella and i. earlier i'd watched little Ella playing with Katie's cousin Ellie, who is four months old. laughing lightly, Ella watched as Ellie's tiny hands tugged on a squeaky giraffe. simple and ordinary, yet something brilliant happened in my soul as i watched them play together.

Katie's brother Luke is two and a half and full of brave sentences, curiosity and the most incredible imagination. he served two of my interns and i wooden blocks, which in his game were diet cokes, bread and butter and pieces of cake. his generosity and innocent spirit were contagious....

minutes after Katie began opening her presents, her mom told me that one of my interns (her name's Kelsey) lost her best friend and her mother had just called and told her the news. i was struck by the juxtaposition of celebrating life, and learning of untimely death. Katie's dad and i sat on the bed with Kelsey for nearly an hour...Paul's really good with words, especially in the midst of pain, grief and confusion. pastoral care is definitely his forte....i, on the other hand, fumble and stutter and can't think of something kind and comforting to save my life. but my heart broke with her heart as i watched the inner struggle; denial, overcome with grief, pain, confusion. wave after wave of deep emotion flowed through Kelsey.

and then outside the bedroom door, a light giggle from Luke and Katie, "Mom this is sooo fun!" Paul then reminded Kelsey that there is no right or wrong way to process. it is okay to be wherever you're at...tiny moments of joy do not betray.

it's the most beautiful thing that the Lord gifted us with Kelsey this summer...i have no idea what He is up to, but i am confident that these days, these moments of process with her will mold us...mold me.

i hate that it sometimes takes death to remind us how to live.

still i'm struck by the intense discord between celebration of life and battling death...i suppose that's part of this process. we need to sit with that disconnect and let it invade, be filled with questions and answers and present it all honestly to Jesus. and let Him deal with the rest. let Him fill the gaps and draw the lines. we just lean into the tension and wait for peace to lead the way.